Too many thoughts today... some incomplete, some questions, some realizations and some wondering...
First thought that came to my mind in the morning was where would you draw the line between going after what you want and letting nature take its course. I am at this point where I would like to change industries, but I am getting close to an interview only in my previous area of work. So do I interpret this as a sign that I shouldn't change industries or am I not putting in enough effort to get what I want!!!!
As I was combing my hair and re-thought about this in my office restroom, the cleaning lady hummed away while she cleaned the mess. I often see her doing that and feel good. I tend to remember a saying "Koi kaam chota nahi hota" and that whatever we do, even if it's sweeping a place, we should do it whole-heartedly and happily. This incident inspired me, but I was as confused as before. But her hum at least got me to my seat with some inspiration.
This frustration got to me!! I was kind of close to being mean to two people. I will always regret that!! Well, one of them has a history of being mean, so I shouldn't be bothering, but still bugs me. The other was a poor taxi driver - his fellow men seem to have created a bad image of themselves in my head I guess. I tried to be nice as I got down!! My frustration combined with their image in my head brought out the meanness in me!! Whew!! I wonder what is it in us that makes us feel guilty even if we have been victims ourselves at some point!! This voice in my head that rebukes me - Is it my weakness or my conscience?????
Coming home, as I sat quietly for a minute, I had an epiphany. Life is never going to be perfect. I am going to have complaints about my work, workplace, bosses or my pay all the time!! I am not going to have them all at the same time (unless its a miracle) There is no end to dissatisfaction, so though I should follow my dream and hope for things to be better, I shouldn't be beating myself up.
Now, Now, That feels better.. putting all my thoughts down did help!!
But my question remains unanswered, where does one draw the line between chasing him dreams and letting the universe to put things together!!!! :):)
Started this blog when I turned 25, when I had a sudden realisation that I was growing older, had not done anything that could be referred to as significant, and when I was just a little wiser from what life gave me, I could hear a clock ticking somewhere!! :D Hence the blog, to lock my life at a stage when I was neither too grown up nor too juvenile, the sweet stage between saying "I don't care what the world thinks" and "I wonder what they think"
