Random Ramblings........

Too many thoughts today... some incomplete, some questions, some realizations and some wondering...

First thought that came to my mind in the morning was where would you draw the line between going after what you want and letting nature take its course. I am at this point where I would like to change industries, but I am getting close to an interview only in my previous area of work. So do I interpret this as a sign that I shouldn't change industries or am I not putting in enough effort to get what I want!!!!

As I was combing my hair and re-thought about this in my office restroom, the cleaning lady hummed away while she cleaned the mess. I often see her doing that and feel good. I tend to remember a saying "Koi kaam chota nahi hota" and that whatever we do, even if it's sweeping a place, we should do it whole-heartedly and happily. This incident inspired me, but I was as confused as before. But her hum at least got me to my seat with some inspiration.

This frustration got to me!! I was kind of close to being mean to two people. I will always regret that!! Well, one of them has a history of being mean, so I shouldn't be bothering, but still bugs me. The other was a poor taxi driver - his fellow men seem to have created a bad image of themselves in my head I guess. I tried to be nice as I got down!! My frustration combined with their image in my head brought out the meanness in me!! Whew!! I wonder what is it in us that makes us feel guilty even if we have been victims ourselves at some point!! This voice in my head that rebukes me - Is it my weakness or my conscience?????

Coming home, as I sat quietly for a minute, I had an epiphany. Life is never going to be perfect. I am going to have complaints about my work, workplace, bosses or my pay all the time!! I am not going to have them all at the same time (unless its a miracle) There is no end to dissatisfaction, so though I should follow my dream and hope for things to be better, I shouldn't be beating myself up.

Now, Now, That feels better.. putting all my thoughts down did help!!

But my question remains unanswered, where does one draw the line between chasing him dreams and letting the universe to put things together!!!! :):)

Not so funny....

What is it about humor? Is it so difficult to crack a good joke? Have you tried telling jokes? Are they your own or are they off the forwards you received? Are they classy or puerile? What defines good humor? Do your jokes make your audience go ROFL or :) or oh!!

Humor looks easy, but is quite an art. Forget about repeating jokes you read somewhere, it takes a certain amount of intelligence and "being there" to make people crack up on day-to-day things. It's quite risky!!!! It could be something in your head and completely something else when you blurt it out.

I have a thing for humor, at least in the use of language in a humorous way. Oh Yeah I do!!! Looking at my previous posts you may color me serious or philosophical, but that's just one side of me.

Anyways, I have tried a few times, though not all of them were conscious attempts at trying to get people go ROFL. I am not even good at it, even if half of them work out, I'd be happy.

Sometimes, the audience doesn't relate to what I say (language barriers) while at other times it is the incidents referred to. But yeah, when I see a ROFL, I do get happy!!! :) Sometimes a :) also makes me go :), but when it comes with raised eyebrows makes me :(

Anyways, I am trying to achieve some success. My most recent made me feel I was becoming the queen of PJs. Most of these I murmur to myself and it sounds funny in my head.  But sense of humor does keep you relaxed, even if you tell jokes to yourself. You don't need a Russell Peters for that. But making fun of people can backfire (unlike Russell Peters), so its risky business for lesser mortals. Wonder how many people wanted to throw stones at Mr. Peters before he became this famous and make fun of THE Mrs. Junior Bachchan !!! ROFL

When I looked out the window...

How often do we pick up some of our old belongings like pictures or diaries and reminisce!! Well, the diary I picked up wasn't that old , but I read what I had written a few months ago which was a longer and better version of my previous post. I had forgotten about it.  Writing something down and reading it later will surprise the (amateur) writer, it feels like our thoughts were frozen in time and we are revisiting them.

Anyways, I thought it would make a good post. So here it is.... My little pearls of Wisdom!!!!

"Somethings are out of place-not everything that's happening should be happening, IDEALLY. But this is not an ideal world. I am only grateful that all of these didn't happen to me and I have the leisure of giving a commentary when life is going on; like looking through the window onto the street.

1. (At the risk of repeating myself :) ) The past is not an indicator of the future!!
2.  Wherever you are in life, it is sure that you will not stay there forever. Tables turn and "Karma" does exist. You may end up being on the other side of the table. 
3. Nobody's life is perfect. Of course, perfection is subjective, but everyone's life has a real flaw (like having dysfunctional family, money issues, health issues, job issues, relationship issues)
4. Life is not fair. An even playing ground does not exist. Your success in life depends on a lot of parameters- not all controlled. It depends luck, where you are, what you are, who you are, who you know, what you know and what you can do.
5. There is no rule book. People always respond to how you are with them.
6. No individual has the authority to judge whether you are good or not. These are opinions and are subjective. It helps to be selectively deaf and mute.
7. There is always an other side to the story.
8. True friends are always there with you, no matter what s#!t you are in. 
9. Humanity still exists - some faceless strangers help you often
10. Career and money are not the barometers of success. They are only tools to living a life that one wants to live well.
11. Less is more.
12. Never talk about people, because some day you will regret it.
13. Live like a child. A child believes that everything in the world is possible."

Haunted??? (Not the great MIMOH blockbuster... ROFL)

"Past is not an indicator of the future"

Trust me, I did not hear this from a monk who sold his expensive car or a Spanish writer who wrote about a Chemistry genius!!! I read this in a place where philosophy is least expected-in a finance textbook under a chapter on FORECASTING!!! :):)

Forecasting involves projecting your future based on your past, but does life really work on those principles??? Fortunately or otherwise, I have now reached that stage in life when I can look back and say, "In those days... " (painful, believe me :D). Nevertheless, it has offered me some experiences to understand life.

I took a year's break and felt I had come to a stop, my life had come to a stand still when everyone else was running towards their goals. I felt I was left behind and was depressed pretty often.

Apart from a few low moments here and there, I felt I had the opportunity to stop and understand life- mine and that of the others.

• I understood life is not static, the tables always turn. What I am today, is not because of what I was yesterday and will not show what I will be tomorrow. I realized that the saying "this too shall pass" actually is true. I could have been a rank holder, but an average student in my class could be doing much better than me in life. (sometimes I feel they teach you the wrong skills at school. They are more academic than functional and practical). And this why your past shouldn't haunt you.
  

• Most people have become selfish. Their friendships are based on how good their "contacts" will look like. Friendship has become complicated. Old friends still do not get angry when you get in touch years later, the conversations start where you left it!! :)

• Not everything is what it seems: How often have we looked at someone's life and wondered "Wow, he's doing good... I wish I was him" If you knew everything about him, you would take your words back. No one's life is perfect, the way they handle it could be.

So precisely, your past doesn't necessarily determine who you are and what you will be. Nothing from the past should stop you from living your future. That means no heartbreaks, interview rejections and admission turn-downs decide what you are. In the end, its all about how things turn out EVENTUALLY. :) :)

Just in.. and now, out soon

I had left my last post with a lot of hope- I thought I would write a post a week (atleast) since I thought I would have a lot of time. But I have been busy doing a lot of other things- that I haven't read for a while, haven't seen as many movies I could have seen with all this time in hand and haven't done a lot of things I thought I would do.

Why?

I had six years of not being at home to make up for. And soon, I need to pack my bags and leave home again. I ended up spending all my time with family. It was funny to be treated like a member again. All these years when I came home, I was treated like a guest. :D

Even though so much has changed in my life during these years, not much has changed in the way I am being treated at home. It feels like a pause button was hit when i left home and now, after six years, it just resumed. :D

And now I have to leave home again, to start a whole new life. I have been packing, which I am growing tired of. While I was dusting a few old books of mine, I found a diary, which I used to write in while I was in my teens. :D I was excited about the discovery, since I have something to remind me of my earlier years. Reading the entries made me realise how much I have changed. I was a more optimistic person. I believe most of us were more optimistic as kids. This break has done good things to me. I feel more fresh, more optimistic and completely rejuvenated.

A lot has happened during these days and has given me a whole new perspective. Even if I haven't done things I had planned to do, I am better off :D. The stay at home has made me feel I am still made of the same substance. If something has changed, it is only my attitude and if something is not the way it used to be, it is just because of my attitude and the way I let others affect it.

Right now, I am daunted about having to leave this place again, even if I have another opportunity to shape my life the way i have always wanted. Let's face it!! You have to be on your guard outside home-with people out there being judgemental, with people to whom you have to prove your worth, with people trying to pull you down,...

I have understood what I have missed all these days-to not wear a mask, because "Home is a place where you are welcome even if you are bad." (from the movie "Twins")

My journey to STARDOM..

This is what I had written down in my diary on 10 January 2007, when I left Chennai (not for the first time) for the future that was waiting for me in Mumbai. I was recruited by an MNC from my campus in Pune, a month before that. I was excited to start a new life. This life I had anticipated and which taught me several lessons of life is soon coming to an end. I resigned this week and next week I will be saying goodbye to this company. I am taking a break-for personal reasons and will be staying with my parents.

This is a decision I had made after putting in a lot of thought into it, but this has proved to be more difficult than i thought -Feeling vulnerable is the least I can say.

It is not just the inequation (positive outflows and zero inflows) that bothers me, but also the independence that comes with it. I realised most of us end up in jobs we never liked to do and are scared to chase our dreams just because of this inequation-mostly, howmuchever we refuse to accept the fact.

On the positive side I am looking forward to doing things I have always wanted to. I am outside the comfort zone now. My mind is currently clutter-free. No more office politics, appraisals, targets, numbers, presentations, trainings.. My life will be free from meaningless numbers that made sense to no one -neither the ones that came up with them nor the ones running after them. I will have the time to figure out what I want to do with my life, which is just not a job that can get me the moolah.

But what happens to my independence? Have I lost it or gained it? I am yet to figure that out. Shall update when I do. :D

But I believe the journey is still on.. ;)

The little slices of death.....

Ever heard of this song in Guru? Most of you would definitely not have missed it, Guru's twin daughters sing it to him while he is lying down in the hospital-paralysed.

I love the lyrics..

jaage hain deer tak hamen kuch deer sone do

thodi se raat aur haisubah to hone do

aadhe adhure khwaab jopure na ho sake

ek baar phir se neend meinwoh khwaab bone do

What more can you expect of a dreamer? :D For as long as I can remember, I have never woken up from sleep and carried on with my day. No, I wasn't the kind that planned the day while in bed. I generally get dreams, and ,most often I remember them. I either think about them or I try completing some of the dreams I felt were incomplete. I don't how common this is, but I continue this even now. Sometimes I just dream, whether or not I thought about it in my sleep.

This whole sleeping process amazes me. I have understood how its works recently. No I am not talking about REM and alpha waves and the various stages of sleep. :D

Its nature's way of telling you to rest, to let go, to take a break, asking you to stop from pushing yourself beyond your limits. Good food and a deep sleep are considered to be the prescription for a healthy life and beauty.Its a natural painkiller, a stress reliever and helps cure m,any a disease.

I have also read somewhere, don't remember the exact words though-"Sleep now, you shall figure it out when you wake up". How true!! Most problems can be solved if you give it time- what's better than giving your system a break by going off to sleep. Its like charging your mobile every night. You wake up all charged up ready to face the world. Sleep is like a lover-takes away your problems from you, nourishes you, never leaves you, gives you the much required shoulder to lean on...

Why am I talking about sleep now? Because I have realised what it is not to get 7 hours of peaceful sleep every night!!! :D YES, I AM AN INSOMNIAC!!!! I have learnt many a thing during those nights while I toss and turn trying to fall asleep. :D I sometimes have had to take a day off because I couldn't sleep the previous night. And once I could get a few winks only after I calling in sick at office at 9 in the morning. :D (Well-what would I say, "I did not sleep?". My manager did not understand me when I said that to him once. :D)

They say you never know what you have until its gone. I knew what THAT felt like during my pangs of Insomnia. I never took it for granted again and has become one of my favourite friends. I spend "quality" time with it as much as possible, which meant going to bed at a decent time. :D. I realised the importance of keeping your body in harmony with nature -wake when the sun rises and sleep when its dark. There are these harmones that get you do that, but a fact most of us blissfully ignore, arguing that all that we need is 7 hours no matter which part of the day. Well it does, I experienced it firsthand while I worked in the graveyard shift a few years ago in a BPO. Going back to being in harmony with nature, this one fact made me realise it has to applied to other things too, eating for example. I have tried avoiding processed foods since then.

Ok, this is getting to be a little too preachy. All of us have interesting incidents related to sleep. I have plenty - I used to talk in my sleep almost everyday, practising speeches and assignments while I was at school. I have once even campaigned for a candidate for school leader while I was asleep. Sometimes, I have done sleep walking too and have become a detective once in one of those sleep walking trips looking for something called "Meecha Box". I looked into every cupboard, every room and every place in the house trying to solve the "mystery" of meecha box. ha! My family looked on with amusement while I set out on my adventure. :D. Blame it on all those those Nancy Drews and Famous fives I used to consume when I was a kid. :D

While all this almost vanished as i grew up, Insomnia caught on.. :D That's when it occurs to me how we take this one great medicine for granted and while I toss and turn in my bed, these words keep ringing in my ears..

"Sleep- How I loathe those little slices of death... "

P.S.: I have always sought the help of my other favourite -coffee, to get through my day when sleep evaded me, but these two favourites of mine never seemed to get along. Let's save talking about this intelligent drink for another day. ;)