Monday, February 8, 2010
I had left my last post with a lot of hope- I thought I would write a post a week (atleast) since I thought I would have a lot of time. But I have been busy doing a lot of other things- that I haven't read for a while, haven't seen as many movies I could have seen with all this time in hand and haven't done a lot of things I thought I would do.
I had six years of not being at home to make up for. And soon, I need to pack my bags and leave home again. I ended up spending all my time with family. It was funny to be treated like a member again. All these years when I came home, I was treated like a guest. :D
Even though so much has changed in my life during these years, not much has changed in the way I am being treated at home. It feels like a pause button was hit when i left home and now, after six years, it just resumed. :D
And now I have to leave home again, to start a whole new life. I have been packing, which I am growing tired of. While I was dusting a few old books of mine, I found a diary, which I used to write in while I was in my teens. :D I was excited about the discovery, since I have something to remind me of my earlier years. Reading the entries made me realise how much I have changed. I was a more optimistic person. I believe most of us were more optimistic as kids. This break has done good things to me. I feel more fresh, more optimistic and completely rejuvenated.
A lot has happened during these days and has given me a whole new perspective. Even if I haven't done things I had planned to do, I am better off :D. The stay at home has made me feel I am still made of the same substance. If something has changed, it is only my attitude and if something is not the way it used to be, it is just because of my attitude and the way I let others affect it.
Right now, I am daunted about having to leave this place again, even if I have another opportunity to shape my life the way i have always wanted. Let's face it!! You have to be on your guard outside home-with people out there being judgemental, with people to whom you have to prove your worth, with people trying to pull you down,...
I have understood what I have missed all these days-to not wear a mask, because "Home is a place where you are welcome even if you are bad." (from the movie "Twins")